31

Thankful.  Blessed.  Encouraged.  Amazed.  Humbled.  Grateful.  

31 years.  It doesn't feel real.  Turning 30 was weird last year.  This is much easier to wrap my head around.  But maybe that's God shaping my heart and desires.  I no longer feel anxious about marriage, a house, a career and a family.  I still want those things.  But in different time.  I don't care about doing things the way that I've always felt was normal.  I've accepted that my path is different.  I've accepted the fact that I'm not conventional.  Instead of longing to be on the wide, well-marked path up the mountain with lots of people...I've taken a turn somewhere.  It's a bit scarier but the unknown is beautiful.  The view from a place that you never thought you would be is amazing.  Partly because it's something you thought you would never see.  Partly because of the effort and divine planning of a faithful God.  He loves us so much that he wants us to see and be a part of his kingdom.  He wants us to enjoy his creation.  He wants us to rely on HIM once he convinces us to take the turn on the mountain.

I thought 30 was going to be my favorite birthday.  It was my first time that I looked back on the year and had to hold back tears talking about it.  I gave up alcohol.  I gave up loads of self-pity.  I gave up looking for every answer.  I gave up lots and gained more.  Now, this birthday feels more special.  This last year has been so great and surprising.  Why did I think a journey believing in Christ would be boring and uneventful?  Why did I think that nothing would change with HIM?  

Lots of people come to CURE to volunteer, study and work.  Even though it's a Christian hospital, everyone is welcome.  So I've gotten to know lots of non-believers in the first 6 months.  One of the things that I hear is that lots of staff at CURE, both malawian and ex-pats are hypocrites.  Non-believers are quick to point out flaws, lies and attitudes that don't reflect a Jesus-follower.  I would agree - there are lots of problems.  And I would go so far as to say that some people may not get the gospel even though they claim to be living it.  Honestly, at times, I think I don't get it before God pulls me back.  However, I love the opportunity to make a simple point.  Christians are not perfect.  Mistakes are made.  Feelings are hurt.  Sin overcomes everyone.  But we don't have to wallow in guilt and shame.  Repentance is the answer.  Redeemed by Christ.  Our hearts can't condemn us, Jesus died to take that guilt away.  

The difference between a Christian and non-believer isn't morality, generosity, sincerity or willingness. The difference is Jesus.  Our hearts are tainted, our lives are still messy.  But we look to a perfect God, we stand up because he vouches for us.  

I pray that non-believers aren't turned off by the morning devotionals at the hospital.  I pray that the non-believers aren't turned off by the weekly bible studies.  I pray that the non-believers aren't turned off by a sin issue in a Christian.  I pray that hearts are opened.  I pray that everyone sees the love, hope and happiness given to us all.  I pray that people don't feel threatened or turned off by someone talking about answered prayer.  I pray that people aren't turned off by false prophets and teachers.  I pray that people aren't turned off by judgmental hypocrites.  I pray that people see through the religious cluster that we've created in order to see HIM.  I pray that people are humbled.  I pray that people are loved.  I pray that people love others despite different opinions.  My prayer is big but our God is bigger.

February is hot

Almost to the halfway point, it's hot and rainy here in Blantyre.  I don't know where the first 6 months have gone.  I feel like I just arrived here and then I feel like I've been here for years.  It depends on the day.  Overall, things are absolutely wonderful.  I still love this place and the people.  I love the children.  I love the community.  I love exploring new places and traveling in Malawi.  There are things that I miss - mostly people.  I've changed so much, it's scary.  I think about what another 6 months will do to me.  I don't think I could plug back in at home right now.  It's a scary thought but it's encouraging that I'm not completely homesick and ready to leave.  I've started thinking about august and I've got some ideas but it's too early to really throw them out there.  

I spoke to youth group on friday and it went well.  I don't know why I get so nervous when speaking to groups.  It always turns out ok and it boosts my confidence.  But the anxiety before talking is intense and I dream about it.  I'm ridiculous.  I talked about being reckless and non responsive to the gospel for 28 years of my life.  I talked about heart change, unconditional love/grace and my hope resting in Jesus.    

The village project with Lawrence is moving along.  We are going back on February 16 with a couple boxes of clothes, school supplies, sugar, salt, soap and washing powder.  The support is overwhelming and Lawrence is ecstatic on a daily basis.  I have the option of driving for the first time in Malawi - I'm not afraid but I would rather someone else drive.  

Still living in the guest house at the hospital.  I kinda had the idea of finding another house after 6 months but it's so convenient.  Currently living with a physio therapist from Australia, german gap year volunteer, british med student and two nurses from Denmark.  It's a bit crowded but it's fun getting to know people with a completely different background and story.  

I haven't been really sick since December.  Lots of folks are sick right now.  I am back on anti-malarials and being really careful outside at night.  From the friends that have gotten malaria recently, it looks and sounds awful.  

I still dont know the outcome of the super bowl and it's monday after the game.  There's a super bowl party this weekend and I'm waiting to watch it.  It's amazing how out of the loop you can be here.  No one even mentioned the super bowl all day on sunday.  Guys are busy watching the African Cup soccer right now.  If it isn't rugby or soccer, then it doesn't matter here.

I've started running again.  I don't like spending more than 7 minutes on a treadmill.  But I dont have much of an option since running outside is uncomfortable for me here.  There is an outdoor track at the gym, but there are massive ruts that you have to navigate thanks to recent rains.  

I wish I had the desire to write more.  But writing every day at the hospital sucks the motivation from me.  I have photographs.  Tons of photographs.  I think that's the way that I want to remember this year.  Through photos.  

I love you all.  Thanks for reading.  God is good. 

Phillipians 3:8

Indeed, I count everything as loss because of the surpassing worth of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord. For his sake I have suffered the loss of all things and count them as rubbish, in order that I may gain Christ.

Best of 2012

It's tough being here in Malawi, where it's tough to stream things online.  I give up 78% of the time when I'm trying to watch a video or listen to a song on youtube.  But I have my iPod and have bought a few digital albums, so here's what I listened to to most over the last year.  The thing that I miss most about the states - live shows.  Without a doubt, I miss shows so much it hurts when I see touring schedules for some of my favorite bands that are headed right through SC or NC.

20) Godspeed You! Black Emperor  "Allelujah! Don't Bend! Ascend"…it’s GY!BE, 29 minute songs that make me want to cry, hug someone, go to sleep and burst with happiness all in the same track.  Another landscape soundtrack record, good for riding in a bus with people that don't speak english.

19) Pinback "Information Retrieved"…another solid Pinback album, start to finish.  Melodic, smooth flowing and a voice that fits perfectly with the niche sound that is Pinback.

18) Right Away Great Captain "Church of the Good Thief"…Andy Hull, everyone knows how I feel about all things Manchester, although I haven’t gotten into Bad Book II.  Soon.  I’m in Africa, things take time.

17) Hot Water Music "Exister"…Doing it again.  Thank God for bands that stay true to their sound.  So thankful these guys are back.

16) Circa Survive "Violent Waves"….I felt this album flew under the radar and I don’t know why.  It’s possibly my 2^nd favorite Circa record, behind Juturna.

15) Benjamin Gibbard "Former Lives"…love Death Cab, love Ben Gibbard, love everything he puts out.

14) KB "Weight and Glory"…Christian rap.  Sound like a bad idea?  For this guy, it’s not.  It’s usually a gym record but it’s been on regular rotation.

13) The Shins "Port of Morrow"….slow, simple, melodic.  The Shins remind me of watching a movie from 40's, when things were clean and innocent or at least in the cinema.  The harmonies are sincere and this album has lots of staying power. 

12) Deftones "Koi No Yokan"...so sick and I've tried to delete that phrase from my vocab.  It’s like they don’t even belong in a scene.  They just stay outside of the current trendy crap and put out gems every couple of years.

11) Passion Pit "Gossamer"...The 1^st Passion Pit record that I’ve liked.  It feels different to me.

10) P.O.S  "We Don't Even Live Here"...Love this guy and his passion.  Feel bad for his bad kidney and the cancellation of the tour to support this record.  Doomtree is solid from top to bottom.   

9) Cloud Nothings  "Attack on Memory"….fuzzy, short and loud.  Perfect for the side of me still in love with 1994.

8) The XX "Coexist"...Love The XX.  Like, a lot.  Doesn’t top the previous album but still played at least once every couple of days since it came out.  "Fiction" may be my favorite song of the year.

7) The Gaslight Anthem "Handwritten"...Brian Fallon is hands down my favorite songwriter, this isn’t my 

favorite from them but it’s still awesome.  I like the earlier albums more and more.  But the big polished sounds suits them and I would like nothing more than this band blowing up.

6) Japandroids "Celebration Rock" – Party record of the year.  Blast this for a good time.  No need to think about it, just turn it up.

5) mewithoutYou "Ten Stories"...I love MWY and the stories played out in each sing.  Like the return to some strained vocals and a nice contrast with pretty songs as well.   

4) Every Time I Die "Ex-Lives"... ETID can do no wrong in my book.  Love the vocals, love the thick nasty bass sounds on this record.  The lyrics are always unique and crazy to be set against musical chaos.

3) The Forecast "Everybody Left"...The Forecast have been a current favorite band for the last two albums, this took them to another level in my book.   

2) Pentimento "S/T"...The record played most at the hospital during work – it’s honest and straight up rock

1) Sigur Ros "Valtari"...Sigur Ros is one of my all-time favorite bands.  I have a lot of bus rides where I put in ear buds and watch the sunset or watch as we buzz by people in the street.  This is my default record for such rides.

Need to listen more – but I like what I’ve heard

Converge "all we love, we leave behind"

Macklemore & Ryan Lewis "The Heist"

From Indian Lakes "Able Bodies" - may end up LOVING this album

Lecrae "Gravity" never been a huge fan, so this could go either way

Alt-J "An Awesome Wave"

Grizzly Bear "Shields"

Stick to your guns "diamond"

Bad Books II

Make Do And Mend "Everything You Ever Loved"

Bloc Party "Four"

Reflection

New Year's Eve, sitting in South Korea waiting on Jenny to get ready to go to Seoul to shop, tour and celebrate.  Hopefully, tonight will be a good night, it's my next to last night here and I don't want to leave.  But it's back to Malawi on Wednesday.  It's been an incredible year and I couldn't be more thankful for the blessings and favor that God has given me.  It's odd, working at a christian hospital in Africa, hosting a small group bible study and reading through John with a friend, it seems as though my faith would be strengthening.  But I've found it's harder to spend alone time in reflection and prayer.  I want to do anything but that and it's been a real struggle.  When I titled this blog, I was a fairly new christian and really didn't know the sin and temptation that would be thrown my way this last year.  It's come from all angles and it's a serious force.  Even things that seem small and trivial pull me away from praise, worship and prayer.  It's not the big, blatant temptations that get me down, it's the small stuff.  Stuff that seems innocent.

When I look at the title of this blog, it has more meaning than it ever did.  The fight has been won and we are victors in Christ.  But our lives will always be a battlefield, because sin floods our lives and causes us to lose sight of the cross.  God pulls us back in, regardless of how long we've been away.  I feel like I've been away the last couple months.  Just focusing on the moment, not living outside of it.  But as a christian, I can't shake conviction and can't shake the anxiety and stress caused by sin.  I can't simply get by without God.  He is a faithful pursuer and I would be lost without him.  So today I look ahead and want to be close to him again.  Looking at my life from the outside, it may seem like I have it together.  And that's probably the case for lots of christians.  We worry about the thoughts of fellow christians and disregard the approval of the one that matters.  But I'm not going to dwell on the last couple of months, God loves me no less for it.  He is always waiting.  He is always loving.

I thank God for the work in progress that I am, I thank him for his infinite love and wisdom.  I thank him for his perfect plan.  I thank him for forgiveness and peace.  I thank him for meaning and purpose.  I thank him for selfless love and compassion.  I thank him for the people in this world and the relationships that I cherish.  I thank him for pulling me back when I've been away.  I thank him for encouragement through song, scripture, books and advice from others.  I thank him for being so involved with my life.  I thank him for a new year.  I thank him for his Kingdom, all over the world.  I thank him for opening my eyes.  I thank him for giving me hope and faith.  I thank him for the CROSS.

CURE Christmas party for the kids!

Thanksgiving

The first holiday away from the family.  Thought it was going to be tough.  But then I realized Malawi doesn't know or care about Thanksgiving.  Ah, much easier.  It's just a normal day.  But keeping in tradition over the past few years, the McGraths did a traditional Thanksgiving dinner on Thursday night with most traditional dishes sans turkey.  It was a great time of worship and the food was incredible.  Pictures below.

On Saturday, another group of friends were doing Thanksgiving dinner as well.  So, I doubled up.  I sucked it up like a true american and shoveled down another incredible meal complete with multiple desserts.  It was a smaller and more intimate dinner - I don't have pics, we ate outside with candlelight which my camera doesn't like.  

On Sunday, I finally ate at the KFC.  I ordered the only sandwich combo on the menu - complete with coke and fries.  A really expensive meal for Malawi - about $7 USD.  The sandwich was really good, and the fries were better than the fries anywhere else in Blantyre....which are all the same.  It felt good to eat there.  I needed a comfort meal.  I found it unique that the Malawi staple - nsima is included on the menu.  An apparent attempt to lure Malawians in there, but the nsima meal is still far more expensive than any other place in Blantyre.  SO not sure how much nsima is sold there, but I can guarantee no malawians from CURE have eaten there.

The children's Christmas party (Dec 7) is in the planning stages.  I'm working with the hospital marketing director to develop a program for the kiddies.  Also, working on a staff Christmas program for the following week - that fell on my plate as well.  It's all good fun though.  I can't wait to party with the kids.  

Small group meets for the 2nd time this Tuesday.  At my house, the CURE guest house.  Attendance was only 7 for the first meeting.  We hope to have a few more people as we discuss what the gospel means and the early church in Acts.  Pray for this group, I desperately want it to grow and not become a boring, stuffy study with the same few people leading the discussion.

I'm going with my translator, Lawrence to his home village two weeks from now.  It will be my first time seeing his childhood stomping grounds.  I'm helping him create a blog and post info about a project to help children and the elderly in his village.  I will have a paypal link up soon.  If anyone is interested in donating money in order to purchase supplies/essentials for the village.

Thanks for following, always.

Alex - friend

Dave Burgess, medical director and ortho surgeon at CURE

we made dessert bowls since there were too many choices

Aysha, physiotherapist at CURE, Amina (daughter) & Nadine McGrath

Konde decorated for Thanksgiving 

Nina, german volunteer at CURE

Francie, german missionary

Roy Miller, anesthesiologist at CURE and Maxi (local NGO)

John McGrath. most gracious host ever

Humphries, friend/pastor/radio program host

Greg and Afton (american missionaries)

My top 5 favorite meals in Malawi

1.  Rice with Mince Meat and Salad.....only about .35 at the canteen at the hospital.  Tasty, cheap and the hottest freaking hot sauce ever is readily available.  I eat this meal multiple times weekly.

2.  Chicken and chips at the gym.  The gym that I frequent is part of the Malawi College of Medicine that is right next door to CURE.  After a workout or squash match, I order chicken/chips and a Fanta orange.  The chicken is breaded and fried, french fries are called chips here.  It's fantastic, some of the best chicken I've eaten in Malawi.  Only about $4 and there are tables outside to sit and relax in a nice breeze.


3.  Chicken pot pie/coke/chocolate cake at the Cafe at CURE, which runs about $4.  A little more upscale dining at the hospital, and a little more western.  Safina, an indian lady that runs the cafe, makes AWESOME cakes. My favorite is chocolate on chocolate.  She knows how much I love her cakes now so I get hooked up sometimes.  She makes a mean chocolate milkshake too.


4.  Nsima with soy pieces and salad.  Nsima is ground maize which looks like masked potatoes but has no taste.  It's the staple here - it's dirt cheap.  Malawians roll the nsima into balls with their hands and then dip the nsima into salad or spinach and add a piece of chicken/soy/beef/goat and then eat in one bite.  I don't really care for the beef or chicken with nsima - it has bones and is usually tough.  The soy pieces are good though.  I don't like using my hands though.  It's offensive but I have to use a fork, discreetly.  About .35 at the canteen or other small restaurants everywhere in Blantyre.  Malawians eat nsima for every meal with different sides.


5.  Cereal or oatmeal at my house.  Yep, when I'm tired of everything else, I resort to my comfort food - american cereal.  The milk isnt the best here, but it works.  I've found corn flakes, honey nut cheerios and granola with fruit here.  However, the cereal varies every week - so you don't know what's in stock ever.  There is always flavored oatmeal at the grocery store - currently on a strawberry yoghurt flavored oatmeal kick.  I ate chocolate flavored oatmeal for the first two months and got tired of it.


That rounds out the top 5.  As you can see, I'm eating well here.  Lots of good food.  But also watching the budget and not eating american food out every night, which you could do here.  I'm adjusting to preparing meals for myself here, which I'm starting to enjoy.  Pic of nsima below with chicken and spinach as the sides & the infamous chocolate cake as well.