If I'm so small I can barely be seen, how can this great love be inside of me?

1 Peter 1:8-9 "Though you have not seen him, you love him.  Though you do not now see him, you believe in him and rejoice with joy that is inexpressible and filled with glory, obtaining the outcome of your faith, the salvation of your souls."

This verse was stuck in my head yesterday as I attended baptism class in prep for Easter.  I may have said "inexpressible" 5 or 9 times during the course of a 10 minute interview.  It was extremely awkward but it's true.  We can't express the love and joy that we feel on either end of our relationship with God.  It's a challenge to put into words without cheapening how it really feels.  But the Holy Spirit helped me through the interview and I'm ready for the water now.  I absolutely love how the Spirit continues to push me out of my comfort zone and it never ceases to be rewarding.  

This is the sound of settling

Finding your stride is the first thing you hope to do when you begin running.  For me, it depends if I'm running a mile, 5k or half marathon.  Race length dictates pace.  I started much slower when I set out on the 24 hour race, obviously.  It's almost an internal connection when I hit the right pace.  It feels right.  And I don't feel it instantly but I gradually "settle in" after a couple miles.  For shorter races, I don't really get the chance to feel that settling or it is very short lived.  Maybe this is why I gravitate towards distance races, I like the feeling of settling.  It is also the miles after I "settle in" that are the most comfortable and sometimes forgettable.  I often zone out and focus on everything but running.

This is also a parallel that I've noticed in my personal life.  I have a feeling of finally settling in and starting to be comfortable.  I'll be honest, I know I'm weird.  At times, awkward and uneasy.  But, doing so many things outside of work, I am finding peace and comfort.  My work schedule ruled my life for the last few years.  If I was stressed at work, I was stressed at home.  If my attitude was piss at work, I felt like piss at home. 

This is no longer the case.  I don't live and die with my work.  It doesn't shape me outside of the office.  Yes, I still think about what I need to do in the shower and I still check emails at 11pm on the weekends.  But I don't let the work dictate how I feel during my own time.  I find my joy in the things I do outside of the job.  For the longest time, I desired a feeling of peace at work.  It wasn't a reasonable expectation.  I work in an industry that is completely nuts and it takes a certain type of person to deal with the crazy challenges that are constantly coming and going.  Maybe I've become more nutty which makes more capable of being immune to the chaos that is my job.

I have settled in and maybe my focus has shifted.  It's not that I have stopped caring.  It's that I'm looking around at the other things in my life that aren't work-related.  My perspective has changed and I'm very much thankful for my job.  But it's fully living life and not going through the motions that is really easy to do.  I am thankful every single day, even the long, hard Mondays.  I don't dread the work week.  We are supposed to work.  It is written in scripture that we should work.  However, it doesn't take the focus on what is really important.  Our heart. 

I wanted to name my dog 'Thrice' in college, but decided on the name 'Blue' thanks to Will Ferrell

It was 2001 - I was a sophomore in college.  I was listening to rock radio and lots of rap music.  I was also listening to WUSC (college radio station at USC) at times, mostly during commercials on other stations.  One of the WUSC jocks played a song by Brand New and I remember really liking it.  The band was coming to new Brookland in a couple weeks and I decided to go.  No one would go with me but I had nothing better to do that night and I vividly remember sitting in my car as I parked outside of NBT, debating on going in alone.  I didn't want to feel awkward and everyone else was hopping out of their cars with friends.  I can't tell you how glad I am that I didn't leave.  I not only saw three bands that would shape my world for the next couple of years (Rufio, Brand New, Taking Back Sunday).  I witnessed a passion for music and an independent scene that would quickly become my home.  I have forgotten lots of shows over the years, especially since I started working concerts.  But I will never forget seeing Jesse Lacey (Brand New singer) pull out a bullhorn as Adam Lazerra (Taking Back Sunday singer) joined Brand New on stage to shout the lyrics at the end of 'Seventy Times 7.'  It changed me.  I left NBT that night with a newfound passion. 


Through that show at New Brookland, I found new favorite bands.  In fact, most bands that I follow today can be traced back to those independent roots.  One of those bands is Thrice.  When I first saw them, they were playing songs off Identity Crisis and maybe played to 50 people. A few years later, I met them in a Tremont dressing room while working for 106.5 in Charlotte.  I remember one of the guys was wearing socks and sandals which I found funny.  They talked about being bored on the road and constantly watching 'Curb Your Enthusiasm.'  They were regular guys.  There was no fake fascade or rockstar ego.  They loved the scene just as much as I did.  As the years have passed, I don't listen to Thrice or most of the bands that I first loved as much.  However, those bands will always hold a special place in my heart.


After a bunch of albums and years of touring, Thrice is going on an indefinite hiatus this year and I happen to be marketing their last show (possibly) in Charlotte.  I'm sure the room will be packed with lots of teeny boppers and I will feel too old to be there.  But I can be sure there will be a few people in attendence that also saw Thrice during that Identity Crisis tour.  Like myself, they love Thrice for more than just their music.  Thrice helped create a scene that supported our passion and made us feel accepted.  Thrice never made a lot of money or did massive shows but I can guarantee you their impact was exponential among fans.  They poured their hearts into every show that I witnessed and constantly gave back to their fans.  I will miss the heck out of Thrice and they will never be forgotten.            

So long 20's

So I turned 30 this week.  It feels odd.  I'm happy to be healthy and alive, but I don't feel 30.  I still like loud rock shows, tattoos, angry music and staying up really late.  I don't know if my tastes will ever change.  I am starting to mellow but I'm still me, just a little older.

I think year 29 will be looked back upon years from now and will mark the end of an era and the start of a new one.  It was a year of change and transition.  It was a year of great times.  It was a year of clear and sober memories, not hazy alcohol induced flashbacks at a bar.  It was a year with lots of solitude.  I did lots of things by myself.  The times alone was intentional, not wanting to give into relationships that weren't healthy.  Solitude also gives me time to think, focus and pray.  It was a year of tough decisions, it was a year of not giving in.   

Things that I didn't think were possible proved otherwise.  Affairs of the heart can be extremely difficult, but we are capable of overcoming them.  Desires of the flesh may be strong, but we're stronger through Christ.

I made plenty of bad decisions as well.  I did lots of "good" things with unhealthy motives.  I fell back to some of my former habits but quickly realized I can't do those things.  I am not the same as I once was, I will never be the same.   

I want my things divided up among my friends

Less than 24 hours before I run for 24 hours.  I have a lot of nervous energy which is not condusive to getting things done at work.  I have to pack tonight....taking lots of cold weather gear.  Just got back from Chicago and Columbia doesn't feel nearly as cold anymore.  The bitter cold there accompanied with wind gusts makes me thanful for the mild winter that we know here in Columbia.

Been listing to a few new bands (new to me)....Abel, Ascend The Hill, The Sleep Design.  There's an awesome website (comeandlive.com/downloads) that has a ton of music available to download for FREE.  Full albums and EP's for free.  And you are able to preview each band to decided if you like their sound before you download,  All of these artists are considered "Christian" artists, but these bands aren't the cheesefest usually associated with the scene.  Which brings me to my point for this post.

We are constantly trying to break the negative conatations associated with Christianity and particularly Christianity in the south.  People consider Christians either hypocrites or crazy people that put their hands up and close their eyes while listening to Michael W. Smith.  The sad thing is that so many people wouldn't consider going to church because of the "christians" that they may know.  As a people, we have destroyed the reputation of Christianity. 

The hate comes from hypocrites and judgemental "christians."  All I hear about Tebow is that no one is perfect as he appears to be.  He must be hiding his flaws really well.  While I know he isn't perfect, he isn't doing anything special in my opinion.  He's a solid character and his beliefs drive his life.  I know lots of people that live like Tebow - it's really not uncommon.  The trouble is the image of "christians" posing as Tebow only to live  a double life full of sin.  He's under the microscope and I give him props for not keeping his love for Christ hidden.  If Tebow did all of the stuff without repping Christ, his work/service would be in vain. 

If all Christians were living as Jesus intended, I believe the hate for us would disappear.  Honestly, how could you hate someone that is always willing to serve.  How could you hate someone willing to put you first?  How can you hate someone that loves all people, someone that lacks prejudice and doesn't judge.  How could you hate someone that still falls short and admits their sins and mistakes, but always strives to do the right thing?  I'm sure it's possible to still hate, but I don't know anyone that wouldn't want to be friends with honest Christians.  You may not think so, but that's probably because you don't know anyone that doesnt fall into the hypocrite category.  

The negative stereotypes will always exist and will continue to drive the wedge between Christians and the rest of the world.  All that we can do is live as righteously as we are told.  It's up to us to shatter the stereotypes.  It is possible to be happy and live a Godly life, for the Holy Spirit allows Christians to desire unselfish things.  We run into problems with people just wanting approval for being a Christian even though their life doesn't reflect it.  These people would rather argue and insult non-believers than love them and actually care for them.


We can't reject Christianity because of "christians."  We have to accept it because of Christ.


"Now that I am a Christian I do not have moods in which the whole thing looks very improbable: but when I was an atheist I had moods in which Christianity looked terribly probable."  CS Lewis

We are LOVED

We are people that God crafted in his own image.  He loves each of us and his love never changes.  It's a love that we can't even comprehend.  It's a love that doesn't fail.  Chek out this incredible song recorded by a couple at Midtown. 

http://wrightfamilymusic.bandcamp.com/track/richly-loved

PRIDE

Any amount of pride that I'm able to kill is a big time victory. My pride is disgusting at times, and it is the root of lots of sin. I can trace all of my materialistic greed and envy back to my pridefulness. It's a constant competition with other people. It's wanting more. It's wanting something bigger. Something better. Someone else. It's needing control. It's wanting and needing attention. It's seeking praise and admiration.

C.S. lewis wrote
"According to Christian teachers, the essential vice, the utmost evil, is Pride. Unchastity, anger, greed, drunkenness, and all that, are mere fleabites in comparison: it was through Pride that the devil became the devil: Pride leads to every other vice: it is the complete anti-God state of mind."

Knowing it's power, PRIDE is a tough thing to face. It's my pride that makes it difficult to admit it is a problem. Although it's a constant battle, I have found that remembering the cross and being redeemed is the one way to destroy it. We really earn nothing on our own. And we can't save ourselves. We are dependent upon Christ as our provider, whether we admit it or not.