It's easy to miss treasure when we sit on piles of worldly trash

20 years old.  Biological parents said they didn't want anything to do with him.  His adopted parents said the same.  Brothers and sisters, 20 in number, are spread out in Philadelphia and have started making lives of their own.  Most are doing well, but Jimmy never could find his footing.  This tough, cruel world rolls over people with each turn and spits them out.  Jimmy is a product of being rolled on - but he's still alive.  He has no choice.  He has to keep on.  It doesn't help that he has a learning disability.  He has no money.  He showed up in the Southeast on a Greyhound bus.  A one-way ticket to what should be his own personal hell. 


He got off the bus in Columbia with a backpack.  His stomach rumbled but he had no possibility of stopping the hunger pains.  Not that first night, at least.  If there was ever a person to feel that God had forgotten about him, it would be Jimmy.  He sought shelter in his first night in a strange place.  He found an overpass and settled down, resting his head on his backpack.


The doctor said Jimmy wouldn't make it.  Not past the two hour mark.  Then the 24 hour mark.  Then the doctor extended Jimmy's lifespan to another few days or months.  I don't know what age that he found out that he shouldn't be alive, but he embraced it.  It's his story, he seems proud of it.  


Jimmy is in 5 points.  he's waiting on the street preachers to show up.  He has a Midtown sticker on a King James bible that sits on a bench.  He can't remember if he ate earlier in the day or last night.  When he's really hungry, he searches dumpsters behind restaurants.  He rides a bike from a thrift shop, it's a young boys bike much too small for him.  The front tire is completely bald and one of the pedals is missing.  He wants to get a chain and lock for it.  I don't think you could pay someone to take it.  It's his favorite possession, although I'm not sure he has anything else in his backpack other than a jacket and some smokes.  Although he needs glasses, Jimmy doesn't own a pair....and he's never worn contacts.  




Jimmy is thankful to be alive.  He connects with the few siblings that actually care about him via Facebook.  He claims to have a fiancee, also homeless, who he hasn't seen in two years.  Is this rock bottom or far below our thoughts of it?  No where else to go but drugs or crime.  Not Jimmy.  He is growing a relationship with Jesus.  He's reading through 1 Samuel right now.  He has to hold the bible about 6 inches from his face to read it.  That doesn't deter him.  He loves it.  He can't wait to go home one day and be with Christ.  But for now, Jimmy is helping hand out gospel tracks in 5 points.  He doesn't complain.  He doesn't pity himself.  He still laughs.  He still loves.  He knows he is a treasure to Jesus.  No situation can take that from him.  

I'm too busy for my saviour and creator of the universe, I'll give him a few minutes next week

Satan wins when we're busy.  I put off reading, prayer and ultimately focus.  Since work has gotten busier, I find myself content with not reading daily or often going days without a prayer that lasts more than a minute.  I don't put off work or sleep or TV though.  I just slide time with Jesus out of my life.  It's a serious struggle.  But I can't give in, I have to make time.  I have to stay close to him.  If I don't, I fall apart.  And when I fall apart, I feel farther from him. 

 I've been working on ceasing everything for a few minutes a day...sometimes longer.  Sometimes I play music, sometimes I light a candle.  And when I cease, I try to stop my mind from thinking about EVERYTHING, but HIM.  When I do this, it's awesome and usually a good transition to read or prepare my heart for a podcast sermon or reading.  The hard part is shutting down everything, stopping random thoughts takes patience and prayer.  He deserves my time, I have to stop fighting him for it.

I shot the pilot, now I'm begging you to fly this for me

I've noticed that a lot of my struggles that I face are the result of placing too much importance on myself and my life.  Not just this, but chasing worldly things that I THINK will make me happy.  I think a huge turn off for some people is the lack of self in Christianity.  We want to be in control of our own destiny, we want to be our own God.  I know the purpose of our lives is to reflect God's work.  The most mature Christians are often the best deflectors - they don't take credit for anything - but do so humbly and honestly. 

No matter how many times I hear the gospel, I still continue to think I'm extremely important and my life's purpose is massive and special.  It's a hard thing to put into perspective - especially when I lived for only myself for 29 years.  To think I'm not the center of this big ol' machine called life can be a hard pill to swallow.  On the flip side, I think hell is living for yourself.  I think hell is getting what you want but being separated from God.  My feeble mind knows this and believes it, but I STILL struggle.


I find help in James.  James 4:14-16 
^"yet you do not know what tomorrow will bring. What is your life? For you are a mist that appears for a little time and then vanishes. ¹⁵ Instead you ought to say, “If the Lord wills, we will live and do this or that.” ¹⁶ As it is, you boast in your arrogance. All such boasting is evil."

I also find help in 1 John when I don't find comfort in the worldly things that I still desire but ultimately fail me. 1 John 2:15
"Do not love the world or the things in the world. If anyone loves the world, the love of the Father is not in him."


SO I ask myself - what do I want my life to mean?  How do I want to be remembered?  I don't - I Want my life to be a reflection of God's work. 

I'm not waving, I'm drowning

You know I dreamed about you
For 29 years before I saw you
You know I dreamed about you
I missed you for, for 29 years
THE NATIONAL (band) - Slow Show(song)

If I'm so small I can barely be seen, how can this great love be inside of me?

1 Peter 1:8-9 "Though you have not seen him, you love him.  Though you do not now see him, you believe in him and rejoice with joy that is inexpressible and filled with glory, obtaining the outcome of your faith, the salvation of your souls."

This verse was stuck in my head yesterday as I attended baptism class in prep for Easter.  I may have said "inexpressible" 5 or 9 times during the course of a 10 minute interview.  It was extremely awkward but it's true.  We can't express the love and joy that we feel on either end of our relationship with God.  It's a challenge to put into words without cheapening how it really feels.  But the Holy Spirit helped me through the interview and I'm ready for the water now.  I absolutely love how the Spirit continues to push me out of my comfort zone and it never ceases to be rewarding.  

This is the sound of settling

Finding your stride is the first thing you hope to do when you begin running.  For me, it depends if I'm running a mile, 5k or half marathon.  Race length dictates pace.  I started much slower when I set out on the 24 hour race, obviously.  It's almost an internal connection when I hit the right pace.  It feels right.  And I don't feel it instantly but I gradually "settle in" after a couple miles.  For shorter races, I don't really get the chance to feel that settling or it is very short lived.  Maybe this is why I gravitate towards distance races, I like the feeling of settling.  It is also the miles after I "settle in" that are the most comfortable and sometimes forgettable.  I often zone out and focus on everything but running.

This is also a parallel that I've noticed in my personal life.  I have a feeling of finally settling in and starting to be comfortable.  I'll be honest, I know I'm weird.  At times, awkward and uneasy.  But, doing so many things outside of work, I am finding peace and comfort.  My work schedule ruled my life for the last few years.  If I was stressed at work, I was stressed at home.  If my attitude was piss at work, I felt like piss at home. 

This is no longer the case.  I don't live and die with my work.  It doesn't shape me outside of the office.  Yes, I still think about what I need to do in the shower and I still check emails at 11pm on the weekends.  But I don't let the work dictate how I feel during my own time.  I find my joy in the things I do outside of the job.  For the longest time, I desired a feeling of peace at work.  It wasn't a reasonable expectation.  I work in an industry that is completely nuts and it takes a certain type of person to deal with the crazy challenges that are constantly coming and going.  Maybe I've become more nutty which makes more capable of being immune to the chaos that is my job.

I have settled in and maybe my focus has shifted.  It's not that I have stopped caring.  It's that I'm looking around at the other things in my life that aren't work-related.  My perspective has changed and I'm very much thankful for my job.  But it's fully living life and not going through the motions that is really easy to do.  I am thankful every single day, even the long, hard Mondays.  I don't dread the work week.  We are supposed to work.  It is written in scripture that we should work.  However, it doesn't take the focus on what is really important.  Our heart. 

I wanted to name my dog 'Thrice' in college, but decided on the name 'Blue' thanks to Will Ferrell

It was 2001 - I was a sophomore in college.  I was listening to rock radio and lots of rap music.  I was also listening to WUSC (college radio station at USC) at times, mostly during commercials on other stations.  One of the WUSC jocks played a song by Brand New and I remember really liking it.  The band was coming to new Brookland in a couple weeks and I decided to go.  No one would go with me but I had nothing better to do that night and I vividly remember sitting in my car as I parked outside of NBT, debating on going in alone.  I didn't want to feel awkward and everyone else was hopping out of their cars with friends.  I can't tell you how glad I am that I didn't leave.  I not only saw three bands that would shape my world for the next couple of years (Rufio, Brand New, Taking Back Sunday).  I witnessed a passion for music and an independent scene that would quickly become my home.  I have forgotten lots of shows over the years, especially since I started working concerts.  But I will never forget seeing Jesse Lacey (Brand New singer) pull out a bullhorn as Adam Lazerra (Taking Back Sunday singer) joined Brand New on stage to shout the lyrics at the end of 'Seventy Times 7.'  It changed me.  I left NBT that night with a newfound passion. 


Through that show at New Brookland, I found new favorite bands.  In fact, most bands that I follow today can be traced back to those independent roots.  One of those bands is Thrice.  When I first saw them, they were playing songs off Identity Crisis and maybe played to 50 people. A few years later, I met them in a Tremont dressing room while working for 106.5 in Charlotte.  I remember one of the guys was wearing socks and sandals which I found funny.  They talked about being bored on the road and constantly watching 'Curb Your Enthusiasm.'  They were regular guys.  There was no fake fascade or rockstar ego.  They loved the scene just as much as I did.  As the years have passed, I don't listen to Thrice or most of the bands that I first loved as much.  However, those bands will always hold a special place in my heart.


After a bunch of albums and years of touring, Thrice is going on an indefinite hiatus this year and I happen to be marketing their last show (possibly) in Charlotte.  I'm sure the room will be packed with lots of teeny boppers and I will feel too old to be there.  But I can be sure there will be a few people in attendence that also saw Thrice during that Identity Crisis tour.  Like myself, they love Thrice for more than just their music.  Thrice helped create a scene that supported our passion and made us feel accepted.  Thrice never made a lot of money or did massive shows but I can guarantee you their impact was exponential among fans.  They poured their hearts into every show that I witnessed and constantly gave back to their fans.  I will miss the heck out of Thrice and they will never be forgotten.