How much money is too much money?

Reading "Radical" by David Platt and it couldnt be better timing.  Most of the questions that have been on my mind for a while are present in the book.  I have constantly asked myself if I would give up everything for Christ.  After all, in the book of Mark, Jesus asks a wealthy guy to give up everything and follow him.  Of course, the guy chooses his things and I read that and think the man is crazy.  But I choose my things over Jesus - A LOT.  Probably more than I realize, I like to think the sacrifices I do make are sufficient.  And Jesus only asks certain people to give up things - not everyone, right?  But is this mindset biblical?  

Why is such a hard subject for churches and groups to tackle.  Because, it's the ultimate test - God or the world.  I definitely side on the opinion that lots of things/money is usually a bad thing.  But I know this isn't necessarily true either.  I know people use money and financial stability to support groups, charities and individuals worldwide.  We are blessed with nice things, to use moderately and without dominance or possession over us.  I need to get past the point of attachment.  Past the point of money and things being HIGHLY influential in my life.

Doesn't it boil down to trust.  Do I truly believe God will provide?  Do I truly believe he will take care of me if I take a leap of faith?  Do I choose his provision over my bank account?

I don't know why these questions continue to pop up.  I don't know the answers or I think I do but with some variance depending on the mood.  I don't want to live a lukewarm Christian life.  I want to trust God over everything else.  

Why aren't there more updates?

A few things.  Sorry, I haven't updated much.  I had no idea that it would be a challenge to send out photos and accurately describe life here.  So much is lost in translation and my photos may tell more about life here than my words.  I don't have much left in the tank after a long week at the hospital and I have to really push myself to update this blog and return emails.  It's not that I don't care and don't want everyone to be in the loop - but the culture is so completely foreign, that I myself still do not know what's going on around me some of the time.  I have struggled to forget everything I know about what I expected the job to look like.  Nothing is straight-forward, even the simplest of tasks takes hours or days to complete.  There is nothing wrong with the work flow at the hospital, I am very quick to judge and feel that something isn't right.  As an american, I have this prideful idea that different is wrong and anything but our way isn't best.  If I keep this mentality, I won't last here.  I will suffer and I will not accomplish much.  

I am a tourist surrounded by natives.  I try to put myself in the same situation if a Malawian visited a hospital in South Carolina.  How strange and different it would be.  And it wouldn't be up to the Malawian to change anything, just to adapt. Christ is really working on my temper and lack of patience.  Relationships are key here - more than anything else.  At the end of the day, that's all we have...including our relationship with God.  If I neglect talking and mingling with people here, I'm setting up my own roadblock.  I don't want to live in a bubble, eating American meals and just hanging out with american and british friends.  I want to be part of Blantyre, I want to see what life really looks like.  I want to truly LIVE, that's why I came. 

Packages - here's the deal.
Please don't send anything that you would freak out if it was lost.  Packages take 6-8 weeks to arrive and shipping is expensive.  Letters are great and I would cherish anything handwritten.  Please know that I am not in need of anything here - there are shops and grocery stores here.  I love trying new stuff and I really have no choice with most foods.  If you want to send something - duct tape the box.  Put items in a ziploc bag.  Place anything valuable in the center of the box.  The reason for these precautions s that the locals will cut packages and pull things out.  It's a running joke here, it's so common.  The post office clerks laughingly say "Mice got a hold of this one, haha." They laugh and you cry.  Fair trade for being an an azunga with more money than lots of villages.

Love you all, you don't know how much I look forward to texts, calls and any communication with friends and family.  It's like coming home every time I hear from people.  Distance keeps us apart but we remain close.  I think that's a beautiful thing.  

Love you all.    

Month down in Malawi

Lots of things happening here.  I'm updating kids everyday.  Lots of new patients and lots of kids that are returning for follow up appointments.  I've been in surgery most mornings and the other half of the time in the children's ward or my office.  I will post links from time to time on my FB page - but there are kids under this tab that are my kids.

http://cure.org/curekids/list?country=malawi

I played french cricket a couple weeks ago - really odd game.  Played squash last friday with one of the doctors.  its like racquetball but the ball is smaller and doesnt have the bounce of a racquetball.  He killed me.  But I will get better, just need to play more.  I'm riding a sketchy bike to and from the the gym.  It may fall apart, its a game to see if it makes it there each day.  By Blantyre standards, its actually not bad.

I'm getting used to shooting with a DSLR and I think my pictures are getting better.  Lighting in the OR is a challenge - along with the surgeons white gloves that reflect a lot of light.  The trick is seeing a shot before it happens and being prepared.  Since a lot of surgeries are knock knees or clubfoot, I know what to expect.  

I'm taking video as well in the ward.  My youtube channel link is below.  I hope to get some exciting video, not all of it will be kids laughing and waving at me.  SO stay tuned there.  

http://www.youtube.com/channel/UCC0n-XgjocxK_lZ9xINLRIA?feature=mhee

My faith is really strengthening here.  I led the chapel service for all hospital staff on Tuesday and the message was definitely spirit led.  The words came naturally, I dont know why I worry about public speaking.  Especially when it's bible study or discussing the word, everyone is on my team here at the hospital.  No one is looking to tear me down.  

Some things in the works - Christmas program for staff and the patients/possible half marathon in Lolongwe (Malawi capital)/Media for our 10th anniversary in October - will have lots of pics and videos for this celebration/helping with youth group on Friday nights/helping paint the guesthouse (where I live) and printing pictures to place in the rooms......lots to do.

Surgery collages that I create for CUREkids - send out to followers after procedure is complete.

7 Knots and a Saviour

From the second that I breathed on my own, grace has filled my lungs.

My heart is a million tiny holes.

The soul is a ship turned towards home.

The waters are rough and my body is bruised.

My head aches from the pressure.

The light grows brighter as the night sky darkens.

This journey has lasted a lifetime. 

I won't reach home this spring.

light from other ships twinkles in the distance.

I think I'm alone.  Far from home.

First thoughts...

Culture shock is exactly that - total shock.  The feeling of new information entering the mind for the first time and not having a neat little place for it.  It doesnt fit - it doesn't jive with what you know or had envisioned for a place.  I got my first taste of this phenomenon as I stepped off of a small plane at the Blantyre airport.  The small terminal is old and rust consumes it, the windows are open and its hot.  Wood scaffolding extends upward next to the terminal - it appears to be new construction but the mass of bricks look aged and dirty plastic attached to the brick flaps in the wind.  I take it all in for processing, it doesnt compute.  Im at a loss for words - will the city be in shambles?  Will I be able to exist here?  The passport line is long and filled with ex-pats.  Why are these people here?  Why have we come to such a place?

One week later.....

I've bonded with 15 kids who don't speak english and smile when I enter the children's ward at the CURE hospital.  I'm the "azunga" (sp?) or white person.  Some kids are shy and stay on their bed as I walk around tickling kids and giving out high fives.  Other kids run up to me and greet me with a handshake or hug.  These kids are incredible.  Crippled but happy and just aching to be normal.  Some have been neglected and love every ounce of attention.  All of the children have been brought in by a mother or guardian.  The women laugh as I play with the children.    Every one of the kids that I've met will have a life changing surgery.  I've photographed about 10 surgeries and prayer has been answered there.  I wasn't sure I could stomach seeing a child opened up in an operating room.  But I remind myself that the child's life improves 100% afterwards.  Then, it all comes together and I know exactly why I'm here.  

So many observations outside of the hospital, I dont want to continue this as a normal post - I feel a hyphenated list is more appropriate since these are straight-forward and contain no fiction.  Enjoy.

---Malawi natives are the most polite people that I've ever encountered....smiles, handshakes, greetings, serious interest in my life and my story.....there's a zest here for life here despite conditons

----the poverty is astonishing.  Homeless children, dirty and alone.  Huts that couldn't sustain a strong wind.  Dirty water, dirty hands.  Children raising children.  Men that will work for a couple hours for 100 kwacha - the equivalent of $.50.
----clothing doesnt matter - the streets are packed and everyone blends together.  The driving is ridiculous - sometimes scary.
----all of the missionaries and contract workers like myself feel a bond before we even get to know each other - when it comes down to it, we're all longtime tourists  
----Malawians like to ask your name, country of origin and then the 3rd question is usually "will you be my friend?"  Lots of Malawians will ask for your cell number immediately after meeting you, hoping for a financial connection.  
----Nothing is guaranteed here - including power and water.  Lots of outages.  Time is different here.  Shops/stores close or open at different hours.  When things have a starting time, that doesnt mean much.  It could start much later.
----Wal-Mart is everywhere.  Game is a Wal-Mart owned store here that has an electronics and sporting goods section that would rival most US stores - except the prices have an outrageous markup.  It's ridiculous and sad.  
----I was scared I would be bored here - I haven't had time to blog or watch movies/TV.  This may change as I get into the groove and stop meeting people everyday but for now, it's encouraging.
----I see God's hand in this country and this city.  It's undeniable.  There's a ton that is wrong and broken here, but I see the hope and relief that the gospel brings people.  Ive met people that planned on staying 6 months and have been here for over 2 years.  No plans to leave, just letting God move.  I see street kids that have hope, not because of financial relief - but they have people that genuinely love them here.
----Most vehicles are old and exhaust is heavy.  Also, lots of open fires used for cooking so Blantyre often smells thick with smoke.
----There's a ton of potential here, but not much motivation.  The people are used to living a certain way and a foreigner isn't going to make major change here.
---Beauty is raw and untouched here.  Mountains, plants, animal life.  The city, sunsets, people's expressions and smiles.  I hope to capture some of this beauty - although a camera isnt able to accurately portray this great country.

Leaving on a jet plane...

I want to Love Like Christ

I want to love God selflessly.  I want to love simply because I exist.  I don't want my love to be based on blessings.  I want to love through sickness and despair.  I want to love through life's slumps.  I want to love when it seems things aren't going my way.  Since beginning my walk with Christ, I've experienced extreme blessings ranging in significance.  I really love the small blessings.  The divine meetings with believers or opportunities to be there for people that don't love Jesus.  Small things that seem coincidental and fairly unimportant are the things that speak to me most.  God is capable of moving mountains, which is easier for me to believe than God doing small things.  It seems backwards, but it's really not.  Often times, I think that God can help me out in a big way, but other small life events, I'm on my own.  I love being wrong.  I love seeing my imperfections.  I love mistakes.  I can see my faith maturing once I realize how far I've missed the mark. 

But even the small things help me see that my love is not unconditional.  I thank God more when I can directly see his hand in my life.  I'm thankful for these blessings, but I want to love without needing blessing.  I want to love when I feel truly lost.  I want to love more for what HE's done.  I am fortunate to come from a strong family backgound, with comfortable surroundings.  I didn't always get what I wanted growing up, but I received more than enough.  As an adult, I've never lacked the funds to go on trips or go out with my friends.  I've never truly lacked something to the point of necessity.  Sure, I could make more money and live more luxuriously, but I have been content for all of my life. 

God has really broken down the idea that I always need more.  He has done incredible change to my heart to help me see that I'm filthy rich.  Maybe not by american standards, but worldly standards, I am lucky.  I want this to drive my prayer life and my desire to help others.  I need to really get behind this idea and stop self-serving.  I need to be thankful for every single blessing in my 30 years of existence.  I need to move forward without the expectation that I will be blessed just as much in the future.  I need to feel lucky.  I need to feel fortunate. 

What I want is to love HIM for who he is and for what he has done.  All of the things that I love are icing on the cake.  Great blessings, but not needed to simply love HIM.  The crazy thing that gets me is that he wants us to be happy.  He loves helping us when we really seek him.  He knows my selfish heart and continues to pour out his love despite the fact that he's given us a place in his Kingdom, greater than anything here in my life.  I don't need to know his plan to love him.  I dont need to ask why when I feel pain and suffering.  I can trust him.  HE is just, he is soverign, he loves us beyond our mind's comprehension.  I want to be able to leave it at that.