I shot the pilot, now I'm begging you to fly this for me

I've noticed that a lot of my struggles that I face are the result of placing too much importance on myself and my life.  Not just this, but chasing worldly things that I THINK will make me happy.  I think a huge turn off for some people is the lack of self in Christianity.  We want to be in control of our own destiny, we want to be our own God.  I know the purpose of our lives is to reflect God's work.  The most mature Christians are often the best deflectors - they don't take credit for anything - but do so humbly and honestly. 

No matter how many times I hear the gospel, I still continue to think I'm extremely important and my life's purpose is massive and special.  It's a hard thing to put into perspective - especially when I lived for only myself for 29 years.  To think I'm not the center of this big ol' machine called life can be a hard pill to swallow.  On the flip side, I think hell is living for yourself.  I think hell is getting what you want but being separated from God.  My feeble mind knows this and believes it, but I STILL struggle.


I find help in James.  James 4:14-16 
^"yet you do not know what tomorrow will bring. What is your life? For you are a mist that appears for a little time and then vanishes. ¹⁵ Instead you ought to say, “If the Lord wills, we will live and do this or that.” ¹⁶ As it is, you boast in your arrogance. All such boasting is evil."

I also find help in 1 John when I don't find comfort in the worldly things that I still desire but ultimately fail me. 1 John 2:15
"Do not love the world or the things in the world. If anyone loves the world, the love of the Father is not in him."


SO I ask myself - what do I want my life to mean?  How do I want to be remembered?  I don't - I Want my life to be a reflection of God's work. 

I'm not waving, I'm drowning

You know I dreamed about you
For 29 years before I saw you
You know I dreamed about you
I missed you for, for 29 years
THE NATIONAL (band) - Slow Show(song)