Living to the praise of His GLORY

The responsibility of leading a jr. high/high school program at a christian family camp felt perfect.  I've had the itch to connect with students since I've been home and this would be  a true test.  My leadership skills would be tested.  My patience would be tested.  And of course, my spiritual health would be exposed.  I was ready for the challenge but I knew that I lacked experience, I would need to fully trust God to see me through.  

As I wrote short talks for each day of program, I thought about my own relationship with Christ.  As I delivered messages on stage in front of a room of quiet teens, I was convicted.  As I had one-on-one conversations with students all summer, memories of my past flashed through my head. 

Whenever our hearts condemn us. For God is greater than our hearts and he knows everything. (1 John 3:20) 

I had to fight back guilt and shame this summer.  I had to remember GOD'S promises.  I had to remember that he is righteous, he is HOLY. 

He forgives entirely,
he heals deeply and 
he restores completely.

I had to remember the good news....the promise that repentance leads to reconciliation.  The promise that God dealt with my sin once and for all.  The promise that his grace is and always will be sufficient.  

Sometimes I convince myself that if I don't pray about a certain sin issue, God will let it slide.  I will be able to hold onto it, learn to live with it.  The idea of total surrender is something that I'm still working towards....the growing pains are necessary. 

Over the summer, several situations arose that forced me to deal with my own heart.  I was brutally honest with my students.  Even though I was a leader and staff member, I am not perfect and didn't pretend to be.  As I look at the spiritual growth that I experienced in a very short time this summer, I'm thankful.  It's never easy but it's always worth it. 

Nothing in creation is hidden from God's sight, everything is uncovered and laid bare before the eyes of him to whom we must give account. (Hebrews 4:13)


What is the Gospel?
The good news (gospel) is that the just and gracious creator of the universe has looked upon hopelessly sinful men and women and has sent his son, Jesus Christ....who was God in the flesh to bear his wrath against sin on the cross and show his power over sin and death in the resurrection, so that everyone who turns from sin will be reconciled to God forever.

Last days

Headed home.  I'll be back in the states on  the 23rd of February.  I feel like I've hit a wall writing anything but short blurbs that end up in the trash bin.  I think trying to focus on leaving another place that I've grown very attached is too much.  So, I joke and pretend that I'm fine.  The reality is that I'm torn and not even sure that I want to live in the U.S. again right now.  But, we're going to try it and see what happens.  

One realization that continues to pop up is that all of the experiences over the last 2.5 years in Africa have been part of a bigger story.  The friendships, heartaches, revelations, struggles, celebrations all remain with me.  They have shaped my mind and my perspective.  When I return, I won't simply forget about Malawi or Uganda.  The toughest part is leaving friends behind, almost like suspending them indefinitely.  I don't know when I will be back.  

What I do know is that God surrounds you with people with intent and purpose.  My close group of friends in both countries taught me endless amounts about friendship and myself.  I don't know why I started hanging out with one of the security guards at CURE and not the others, but I do know that the wisdom gained from our time together is invaluable.  I don't even know how I became friends with several people here but I do know that I would do just about anything for them.  

My hope is that I return home and love people the way that I have been loved.  I'm not the easiest person to live or be around at times and some people just pushed through it and loved me anyway.  It would be a tragedy to return home as the same person.  Africa was never the final destination and when I contractually agreed, I knew this day would come.  Time to look forward while letting my recent past shape my thoughts and decisions.  

As I was saying goodbye to a close friend yesterday, I found myself just thanking him over and over.  I wanted him to know that his friendship was special and that I didn't take it for granted.  The amount of time that people invested in me was not affected with the knowledge that I would be moving 12 months later.  For me, that's hard to wrap my mind around.  Why get close to someone that you know will leave?  I think that lots of people realize that it's part of their story.  It's the journey that counts and the person may leave, but it will always be worth it.  Always.