Thanks 2011, now get your coat and leave.....someone told me you spilled something and wiped it up with a clean towel, like I wouldn't notice

What an amazing year.  I had no expectations for 2011 really - more of the same.  Only real change I expected was in the relationship department.  I was seeing someone that I was forcing myself to like,  Sad situation in itself, but it truly showed my state of being and the way I valued being with someone.  That relationship was a straw house sitting in tornado alley - it was seriously a matter of time.  But I wasn't over someone else either, a relationship which may actually be a better analogy for a natural disaster. 

But it was a year of change.  and more change.

I stopped drinking January 1 2011.  Last time I have actually consumed an entire alcoholic beverage.  Never intended to stop cold turkey but that's what happened.  I wasn't sure at first, but a weekend went by then a month, then some more months.  I didn't know how much I valued drinking for enjoyment until I stepped back.  I had several friends that asked me for updates when they heard I quit but no one pressured me to stop.  At the same time, no one was pressuring me to drink either.  I think God truly laid it on my heart to stop the ridiculousness in order to deal with other things.    

I believe I experienced true joy for one of the first times in adult life.  Not happiness or satisfaction, but genuine lasting joy.  I felt content.  I felt relieved.  I felt ok.  For the first time in years, I wasn't searching for something else - something that I didn't possess.  

I still have a long way to go in the relationship department, including friendships.  I'm stubborn and selfish.  I have a tendency to shut people out.  I am getting better and I am capable.  I pray daily about my stupid ways, it's a deeper problem that I ever imagined.

God continues to tweak my heart, but it has issues to the core.   I didn't know just how dark it was/is until I let a little light in.  

In Corinthians, the apostle Paul writes that anyone in Christ is a new creation and the old has passed away.  God is good.