Faces

Sarah

Words won't accurately convey her spirit or the joy that she brought to so many people from around the world.  But, I must attempt to remember and honor her life.  She was a friend.  An encourager.  A witness.  Sarah was special and made an impact every single day.  Thank you God for her life.  For her heart.  It's odd that I feel like I lost a family member when I had known her for a little more than a year.  But that speaks of the person that she was and how she will be remembered.  She cared about people.  She cared about lives.  Regardless of how messy or how different from her own.  

Tears rolled down my cheek as I looked into the eyes of the girls at the Samaritan Trust orphanage after they were told of the accident.  Sarah loved the girls there and poured her heart out weekly spending time with them.  It wasn't unnatural, forced or fake.  It was genuine and authentic.  

As we said goodbye last week after church, we laughed together because Sarah wasn't quite ready to leave for Zimbabwe for a week and the details about leaving from Lusayo were a bit vague.  But that didn't bother her - she was incredibly spontaneous and incredibly patient.  Both of them were so balanced and laid back...if only we all could roll with the punches like they did.  I laughed and told her it would be fine.  She laughed and agreed.  

If I could have those final moments back, I would tell her this:

Thank you...
for showing me what it looks like to love authentically.
for showing me how to display the gospel without words. 
for showing me what it looks like to truly care about people and live intentionally 24/7.
for being a perfect example of a changed heart. 
for caring about me.
for showing me how to trust God with your whole heart.
for pushing me out of my comfort zone with youth group.
for encouraging me to get involved with Samaritan's and sharing joy with me there.
for the coffee every sunday morning, even when you were running late (every week).
for showing me patience - with your relationships, car trouble, and other frustrations of living away from home.
for laying down your life for Christ.  You live on in my heart and will be shared with others for all long as I live.

Thank you Sarah.  I miss you.

CURE blog

Part of my job is doing a special interest piece each month.  Last month, I reflected on the past year in Malawi.  It's now up on the CURE blog.  Check it.  Love you guys!

Take me to the blog 

There will be leftovers....of my dish

I signed up for green bean casserole for Thanksgiving dinner.  I don't know what came over me.  Drinks or bread would have been a much better choice.  But no, I decided to be brave.  Even after being forced to start cooking for myself in Malawi, I still lack skills in the kitchen.  Even a simple dish like green bean casserole has great potential to be absolutely awful.  When my housemate asked what dish that I volunteered to prepare, he actually laughed when I responded.  If you wanted to torture someone, I could sing while cooking for them.  Wrists would be slit.  

In my freshman art studio class, we had to display our final projects on the wall during our last day of class.  I quietly walked into the classroom, hung my painting with the others and walked out of the classroom.  I didn't stick around for the final class or the critique.  I didn't want anyone to know the ownership of my horrendous cluster of an attempt at Pointillism.  I imagined the class pointing and laughing at my piece.  They probably set it on fire while the instructor poured gas on it.  

I'm going to the do the same for our potluck Thanksgiving dinner (for fat americans and their friends).  I am going to put my dish down and walk away hastily without making eye contact with anyone.  When anyone asks what I contributed, I will start to answer then pretend to swat a mosquito off my leg (foolproof, this is Africa).  After the diversion, I will quickly change the subject to the increased annoyance of mosquitoes during rainy season.  

I've done lots of things that I'm not proud of....most of which involve food.  If you think I'm exaggerating, you should see me chopping an onion.  Tears, confusion, anger.  I recently learned that a bread knife is a real thing.  I'm not ashamed.  I don't want anything to do with cooking.  Or the kitchen.  I only go there if I must walk through it to get to other rooms in the house.    

His feet

I bet Jesus's feet hurt too.  I imagine that after a long day of walking in the heat and constantly being misunderstood, Jesus needed to get away and pray with the Father.  

You know the feeling when you literally stop caring about anything?  It's a combination of frustration and anger.  It pops up when things go south.  When our plans fail.  When things don't line up with our timing.  But Jesus knew what was perfect.  Jesus knew what was truly good.  How much more frustrating and discouraging would that be?  We think we know, but the truth is, we really don't have a clue.  We are terrible predictors of our own happiness and we refuse to believe it.

When I think I'm alone.  When I think that the God of the universe has left me to sort this thing out on my own.  When I think I'm too insignificant for him to care.  When I have doubts and my world seems to teeter on destruction of anything and eternal peace, I just think.....Jesus's feet hurt too.  He knows exactly where I am.  

They don't carry guns

police officer: Let me see your license
me: here you go (giving her my SC license)

police officer: where is your Malawi license?
me: I don't have one

police officer: why not?
me: I'm in the process, I went to the police station and they told me to come back next week (not the truth)

police officer: which police station
me: the one downtown (first thought)

police officer: well, let me see your letter from them
me: I don't have it, it's at home

police officer: you're a liar, you're telling me all lies
me: no, of course not, can I pass now?

police officer: I have to fine you, according to section 16, it will be 8,000 kwacha ($20)
me: no, no, that's too much....a speeding fine is only 5,000 kwacha

policer officer: then what are we going to do?
me: I don't know but I need to go

police officer: have a nice day.

If the falsehood in the story bothers you, let me try to justify my lies.  To get a Malawi license without bribery, you would need to go to the police station and wait for a week until someone decides to help you.  I don't want to bribe and I don't want to miss a week of work, so I drive without a Malawi license.  

It's usually not a big deal, police see my U.S. license and let me go.  But this one particular officer decided to pick on me and obviously expected payment.  I'm not a tourist and I know how to deal with the shady minds of the police department.  A few people would pay the fine and she was obviously looking for gullible drivers that day.  But I drove away and smiled....only here.  She probably smiled too, at the next driver that handed over 8,000 kwacha.  

I feel like I just woke up....

Sitting at my desk.  11:39 am.  Wednesday October 2.  Back from a 10 day trip to the U.S. which felt like a long dream.  I miss home.  I miss people.  I miss family and friends.  Texts and calls are great but nothing beats seeing someone that you've missed.

I'm lucky.  I have a support network at home that is priceless.  My mom & dad are there for me, no matter the situation.  Even though they would like to see me more and living closer to home, they don't discourage me from looking at more time abroad.  My sisters made the effort to get to South Carolina to spend time with me.  My friends let me slip back into the picture without missing a beat.  We enjoyed conversations like I had never left.  Things weren't awkward or uncomfortable.  I'm truly lucky.

Back in Malawi.  Where wi-fi is reliable, 48% of the time.  Where french fries are chips and all chips taste the same.  Where there are never too many people in a bus. or car. or van. or room. or office.  Where people greet you, regardless of how they're doing.  Where machetes outnumber guns.  Where life is simple but chaotic.  This is home.  At least until the end of the year.

4 weeks and a day

4 weeks and a day.  I'm going home and getting fat.  BBQ.  Cheese.  Bacon.  Milkshakes.  Tacos.  Hot Wings.

Pictures below from our big children's party in July.  It was an awesome day.

no one told me about winter in malawi

Thinking about the last time I blogged about things here, I noticed that some time has passed.  Time flies here and I don't even realize that I haven't written in a month or two.  I talk to my parents once a week, my sisters even less.  A couple of my close friends text regularly but it's not unusual to go weeks without checking in with people.  The longer that I'm here, the more I get it.  I will always care for family and friends deeply but life on a different continent takes communication to a strange place.  I am not bored but yet I never think that I have anything worth blogging.  My reality has shifted, things are normal here.  Things that I would write about months ago are no longer a big deal.  As time rolls on, I feel more attached here.  I feel more at home.  The desire to blog has completely left me.  So I sat down and wrote a few things that have been happening.  It was during that process that I realized that I have plenty to share, but it's hard to see.  It doesn't seem important or exciting.  

I'm housesitting for a doctor that went home to Scotland for holiday.  He will be away with his family for a month.  I am watching the house and making great use of his konde (porch), moka pot (stovetop expresso maker), fresh eggs from the henhouse and reliable wi-fi.  It's great to have more space than the 8x8 room at the guest house.  It's also great having more privacy and a quiet environment after work.  I loved the many people that I got to know during my stay at the CURE guesthouse, but it was time to move.  The doctor has 3 lovely kids and I got to spend some time with them before they left for Scotland.  It's cool to see a Jesus-centered family that works.  

I started driving.  I am renting a car from the hospital for transport until the end of my contract period.  The neighborhood is only a few minutes from CURE but a car is absolutely necessary when traveling at night.  I am used to driving on the left side of the road since I've been riding a bike since I arrived but the steering wheel on the right is another adjustment.  You have to be careful, people are all over the roads and you can't zone out in the car like home.  I feel a bit free now, not confined to taxi cabs and bike routes.  

Two german volunteers, Fight and Nina, are leaving soon.  I met them both just a few days after arriving.  They arrived in August of last year as well for a year long stay at CURE.  They have both become great friends and I'm not looking forward to goodbyes.  We traveled to Zomba, about 50 miles from Blantyre 2 weeks ago for a nice little getaway weekend.  We also invited Ben, an australian that is working as a physiotherapist at CURE.  Zomba has a couple peaks over a mile high and the hiking is great.  The weather is a little cooler on the Zomba plateau and we hiked up to the peaks during a full day of climbing.  I've included some pictures from the top.  

and a bunch of random things.....
--the hospital is getting a new executive director in September, the current director, Stuart, is leaving for the UK after serving for 8 years.  He is currently my housemate for a few days since his lease has ended and his family has already moved to the UK.
--we're planning a BIG children's party this saturday for the kids in the ward, CURE staff and the local public.  Music, braai, face paint, bouncy castle, games.  It should be awesome.
--I am looking at other jobs abroad next year, not sure where my path is headed but I'm open to anything.  
--I still miss live music.  But there are at least 2 bands that I'm planning on seeing when I'm home in September.  I'll be home from September 21 - September 30.
--I need a haircut - last cut, I paid $1.25
--I love fruits and vegetables.  I don't miss all of the processed rubbish that I used to eat. 
--quiet time with God continues to be a challenge but the move will help.  There are still tons of distractions in 3rd world Malawi, it's not any easier to focus here.    
--I was a judge for a bake-off between two friends here.  It was amazing as it sounds.  4 desserts each, 8 desserts total.  Brownies, cake, cookies and pudding....I ate everything, twice.
--the temperatures at night has been cold enough for a couple blankets on the bed.  The mosquitoes aren't nearly as bad right now, but I'm freezing at times.  It doesn't get below 50 but it feels like 30 at night in a house with lots of windows.  The house has a fireplace but I would rather wear layers than deal with a fire.  The days are still warm.  I only brought one hoodie, no one told me winter existed here. 


I'm still incredibly thankful to be in Malawi and continue to work on an amazing project.  I love the kids so much.  I never really knew I have a major soft spot for kids.  Until Malawi, I've always felt awkward and uncomfortable around children.  That has changed, I couldn't possibly love these kids anymore than I do.